What is happiness? How do you measure happiness? Is the principle of “fake it till you make it” the right way to success? Also, how do you make positive affirmations work for you?
We all want to be happy and have many questions on how to do so. Well, turns out that it’s not elusive but neither is it easy to maintain a state of continuous happiness.
Happiness coach and healer Janki Ravani, Founder of House of Happiness, made a guest appearance on HerStory’s Women on A Mission Facebook Group and answered varied questions on happiness from members in an interactive and fun-filled session.
Here are edited excerpts from the chat.
Q: What is happiness? Can it really be defined?
Janki Ravani: Happiness is defined as a state of mind… And after my three years of practice as a happiness coach and healer, I realise that at the end of the day it’s a choice you make. Being happy is a choice. And ideally should be independent of the common “I’ll be happy when this or that happens”.
Q. How did you become a happiness coach?
JR: After completing my MBA in Human Resources, I worked with corporate organisations for a few years. The common feedback I got (often as a complaint too!) was that I was too employee-friendly and I shouldn’t care so much. After giving birth to my second child, and while still on maternity leave, the thought of becoming a person that actually helps people, especially employees, to be happier and hence, more productive, took seed.
I studied for a year… taking up different courses like past life regression, Theta healing, EFT, the Science of Happiness from UC Berkeley, and some more. I launched my own practice as a healer and happiness coach. It’s been three years and there’s been no looking back!
The best part is that now corporates pay me to go to their company and conduct happiness sessions for employees. I feel so thrilled that I can make a difference!
Q. India is pegged as the most unhappy and a depressed country. Why is that?
JR: (Laughs) This is a tough one to answer here… But I’ll try and give my two cents. Happiness Index is measured using parameters like housing, income, work, community, civic engagement, education, environment, health, life satisfaction, safety and a a work-life balance. And India ranks 140th, which is nothing to be proud of. But having said that… some parameters like civic engagement, education, and environment don’t work in our favour because of our population, a slow to change education system, etc.
But personally speaking, the three main reasons why people are unhappy are:
1. We are too judgemental and anything that doesn’t fit the norm is most hastily rejected… and we love to complain and talk about it. This leads to people not being themselves, hiding their true passion because society will not give them space to explore it, or try and fail and do something else… we are bloody judgemental and unforgiving.
2. We are a bit too opportunistic for our own good, which means we always want to outdo each other, keep comparing and creating unnecessary competition, which leads to stress and breakdown of personal relationships. This comes from a mindset of scarcity that there is not enough for everyone, so let me grab the maximum I can.
3. It’s still not acceptable for people to get help if they are fighting mental issues or carrying emotional baggage.
Q. Is there a way to measure happiness?
JR: Your state of mind changes from moment to moment, so I would recommend not to worry about something you want in abundance. Just keep choosing to be happy. And if you do that one day at a time, you’ll be able to look back and see that you have been overall happier.
Q. How can you be happy when people constantly pull you down?
JR: Firstly, if you have the belief “people are constantly pulling people down”, you’ll keep attracting those kinds in your life. So shift your focus. Make a list of all those supporting you, and be grateful for that. As for those who keep pulling you down, you can try this tool, that works for me.
Understand that it’s not about you. Don’t take it personally – it’s about them and their insecurities. Their need to pull you down is a glaring sign that they think you’re above and ahead of them.
Once you start recognising that it’s got nothing to do with you, you will start becoming less affected. And at some point, you’ll be able to stay detached and enjoy their drama. I’m at a point now where I actually am able to empathise with them and make them aware of what they are doing.
But for now, just chant this around 20-30 times. – “This is not about me. It’s about them. And everything is the opposite of what it appears to be and nothing is the opposite of what it appears to be!”
Tell me if it works for you!
Q. Can happiness be measured in success?
JR: Initially, yes, happiness can be bought with some success. But in the long run, success is a by-product of choosing happiness and to follow your passion.
Q. Do positive reaffirmations work towards happiness?
JR: Absolutely! They work because when you repeat even a lie 20 times, you start believing it. Affirmations are a way to start talking positively to yourself. Set an intention, and use your consciousness to create in the direction of your choice.
Q. How important do you think it is for organisations to have a Chief Happiness Officer? Does it really make a significant difference?
JR: Every member of the HR team and every single manager should be trained as a Happiness Officer. There’s ample research to show that happy employees make happy clients. And this sensitisation will go a long way in achieving a happier workforce.
So, yes, if the company has the budget for a fancy tag, great – go ahead and get a happiness officer! But otherwise and more sustainably, train employees to take ownership of their and their team’s happiness.
Make it a part of the manager’s induction into the role, and it works towards happiness as a cultural thing at a much deeper level.
Q. How far can one take the ‘fake it till you make it’ motto? There are some situations in which one feels bogged down by the stress of having to plaster a smile when one feels the opposite and needs a breather. What are some techniques to cope with this?
JR: Firstly, I strongly recommend that you always be true to your feelings – always. You’d do yourself an absolute injustice by denying yourself the emotion or feeling. So if it comes up, be in allowance, be conscious, talk to yourself nicely like you’d talk to your best friend and go all out and feel it. Every ounce of it.
I have days when I choose to sulk. I do it like a pro. And I don’t want to be told to be happy at that moment. I am consciously choosing it. I do it. It passes faster. “Fake it till you make it” is for when you want to adopt a change. Say you want to address meetings more confidently, or approach your boss for a raise, or be more social… take small steps, starting with self-talk… to start saying positive things. The mental chatter will start changing. Then start with small acts… fake the confidence by telling yourself “It’ll be okay, I can do this”. It’s not about being fake. It’s just about allowing the negative mental chatter to become positive and empowering.
Article Credit: yourstory